Tango: Christine
by dark-hearted rose
Summary: Christine's two leading men relate their feelings concerning their leading lady, only to discover they have more in common than they thought... Set to RENT's 'Tango Maureen'. Language, possible elements of slash, but only if you squint and tilt your head.


**Not quite sure what this is...blame Titan09, my lovely stand partner and high priestess.**

**Anyway, this takes place after the story, assuming Christine and Raoul don't run off (or, if you're thinking 2004 movie, the theater hasn't burned down and is "still in working order, ladies and gentlemen...")**

**disclaimer: Not mine...not even the idea. eh. such is the life of a fanfiction writer...****

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"Tango: Christine"

(Backstage. Raoul is warily examining a large piece of the set for the upcoming performance, upon Christine's request. He is alone, but senses another presence with him. Shaking off the obviously sinister and familiar bout of déjà vu, he continues to make his rounds, muttering to himself. Suddenly, the set topples over, but he catches it just in time, struggling to push it back to its upright position. Someone has come to his assistance, and he turns to thank them, only to come face to masked face, once again, with Erik.)

**RAOUL:** (gasping) _YOU!_

**ERIK:** (glumly) Me.

**RAOUL:** I told her not to talk to you…

**ERIK:** (shrugging) That's Christine, but can I… (looking as if the word is distinctly difficult for him to say) _help_… since I'm here?

**RAOUL:** (matter-of-factly) I've hired an engineer.

**ERIK:** (glad Raoul doesn't realize that he is an engineer himself) Great! (sidling away) Well, nice to have—

**RAOUL:** Wait!

(an awkward silence, in which Erik turns slowly to look at Raoul)

**RAOUL:** (sheepishly) He's three hours late…

**ERIK:** (resentfully turns on his heel and carefully approaches Raoul once again)

**RAOUL:** (trying his best to maintain his composure, regarding this unexpected encounter as purely professional) The crew just won't delay, but the acoustics—!

**ERIK:** There's another way. Sing something—anything.

**RAOUL:** Ahem. (singing) Do, Re, Mi—

**ERIK:** (bringing his hands to his face) …Anything but _that_.

(Both proceed to examine sets critically, looking for the problem. Erik seems to have forgotten Raoul's presence, being in his element, but Raoul is increasingly uncomfortable with the situation, constantly throwing sidelong glances in Erik's direction. Finally overcome, he voices his opinion on the matter.)

**RAOUL:** This is weird…

**ERIK:** (nodding in agreement) It's weird.

**RAOUL:** Very weird.

**ERIK:** (not to be outdone) Fuckin' weird…

**RAOUL:** I'm so mad

That I don't know what to do!

Fighting with these stage sets,

(jerking his thumb in the general acknowledged direction of where the stagehands and scene-shifters are) While they're all drunk—

**ERIK:** (darkly) I'll bet…

**RAOUL:** And to top it all off:

I'm with you!

**ERIK:** (sarcastic, yet goading Raoul on) Feel like going insane?

Got a fire in your brain?

And you're thinking of drinking kerosene?

**RAOUL:** (welding a hammer, taking a few shots at the set out of anger) As a matter of fact…

**ERIK:** (taking the hammer from him) Stop that! (pensively) …I know this act…

It's called the 'Tango Christine'.

The Tango Christine!

It's a dark, dizzy merry-go-round.

As she keeps you dangling…

**RAOUL:** (visibly upset that anyone should talk about Christine in such a manner) You're wrong!

**ERIK:** (persistent) …Your heart she is mangling…

**RAOUL:** (smugly, yet with a twinge of doubt) It's different with _me_.

**ERIK:** (now circling Raoul, much like a hawk closing in on the prey) And you toss and you turn,

'Cause her cold eyes can burn,

Yet you yearn, and you churn, and rebound.

**RAOUL:** (with an uncertain look of realization on his face) …I think I know what you mean:

**BOTH:** The Tango Christine!

**ERIK:** Has she ever pouted her lips

And called you 'Angel'?

**RAOUL:** (shocked) Never!

**ERIK:** (reminiscing) Have you ever doubted a kiss or two?

**RAOUL:** (still hung-up about the "Angel" bit) …She called you 'Angel'?

(snapping out of it) Did you swoon when she walked through the door?

**ERIK:** Every time—so be cautious.

**RAOUL:** (horrified) Did she moon over other boys…?

**ERIK:** (regarding Raoul with a look of hatred) More than moon…

**RAOUL:** I'm getting nauseous.

(Inexplicably and in a cruel twist of fate and the pen of the authoress, they tango.)

**ERIK:** It's hard to do this backwards…

**RAOUL:** You should try it in— (pauses, examining script) Hey, I'm not saying that!!

**ERIK:** (tossing script) She cheated!

**RAOUL:** (snapping out of it, glaring at Erik) She cheated! Christine cheated!

**ERIK:** (glaring at Raoul) Fuckin' cheated!

**RAOUL:** I'm defeated,

I should give up right now!

**ERIK:** (further antagonizing him) Gotta look on the bright side

With all of your might.

(mutters) …Though I'd fall for her still anyhow.

**BOTH:** When you're dancing her dance

You don't stand a chance;

Her grip on romance makes you fall.

**ERIK:** So you think, 'Might as well…'

**RAOUL:** 'Dance a tango to hell!'

**BOTH:** 'At least I'll have tangoed at all.'

The Tango Christine!

Gotta dance till your diva is through.

You pretend to believe her,

'Cause in the end you can't leave her!

But the end, it will come,

Still you have to play dumb

Till you're glum and you bum

And turn blue…

**ERIK:** Why do we love when she's mean?

**RAOUL:** (remembering the time when Christine kissed Erik) And she can be so obscene!!

**ERIK:** (gesturing towards the auditorium) Monsieur?

**RAOUL:** (stepping forward in obvious torment, yet playing it as testing the acoustics of the new set arrangement) My Christine! (reverb: een, een, een…)

**ERIK:** Better?

**RAOUL:** (sheepishly) Thanks.

**ERIK:** (gleefully) You know—I feel great now!

**RAOUL:** I feel lousy…

**BOTH:** The Tango Christine!


End file.
